June...

I finally got a job! I start tomorrow as the office manager at Woody's Hardwood Flooring, Monday - Thursday, 9-3. I have mixed feelings, it will be nice to get out of the house and the money will be a lifesaver but I will miss being home with the girls and Matt so much!
Sadly I also found out today that Destinee will probably be leaving us sometime in the next month. Her mother is at the House of Hope and they really want Destinee to move in with her as fast as possible, somehow that is supposed to help her with her treatment, getting back to reality and all that. I am not convinced that it is a good idea. Personally I think more of a foundation should be laid before Destinee goes back to her full time... she has been clean what? a month?! And she is currently in an environment with 24 hour supervision but what happens when she's not? Hopefully the state will be keeping a close eye on things after the transition happens. We meet with the social workers, the House of Hope, Baby D's Mom on Thursday to discuss everything. I will post more after.
On a much more positive note, Jocelyn is out of diapers! She still wears one to sleep in but that's it! I am so proud of her I can't stand it. She is growing up too fast...

Binky Box

Jocelyn was a Binky baby and has now turned into a Binky toddler. She is also extremely attached to her lovey, a pink square of satin with a rabbit head on it she affectionately calls Hop-hop. I have no problem with the lovey, I know that in time it will stay in her bed -not true for the Binky. I hate that she carries it around all the time, talks around it, cries for it, wakes up at night for it... and I don't like the looks we get when out in public either. Matt and I have tried several things, trying to get her to keep it in a pocket (that lasted about 5 minutes), taking it away cold turkey (that lasted until bedtime and we have never had a more miserable day). This week I decided to let Jocelyn make a Binky Box. She painted a small wooden box and I wrote Binky Box on the top. Every morning she has to put her Binky in the box and cannot get it out until nap/bed time. This has actually worked! We have had a few fussy moments, the first day especially was a little rough but now she is used to the idea and does not fight it at all. She actually gets a excited to pick a Binky from the box when it is time to sleep! The next step will be getting her to sleep without it... something I am not looking forward to!

Mother's Day

See the Mother's Day post... look at the post from May 4, for some reason I cannot get it to change the date!

And today's visit....

...is cancelled. Destinee's Mom relapsed on Monday and has checked into a detox center and her Dad sprained his ankle and that is preventing him from coming to the visit. We saw Destinee's Mom on Sunday picking her up from her Grandparent's visit and Matt and I both commented on how much better she looked than when we first met her. It's sad that she couldn't stay clean but hopefully she will get the help she needs. As far as her Dad goes, I can only say that nothing would stop me from seeing my baby after not seeing her for a week, especially not a sprained ankle!

Prayers for Mothers based on scripture

I had to repost this.

Dear God,

In her face we see our own reflection. To love her is to love ourselves, to understand our complexities, our dreams, our boundaries.

We thank you for Eve, who stretched our thoughts and wonders, and who felt the depth of loss of her own son.

We thank you for the Mother of Moses, who risked the dangers of 'letting go' when she placed her firstborn in the Nile among the alligators.

We thank you for Sarah who wandered around the desert with her husband, became pregnant beyond her safety net... and laughed in the face of the future.

We thank you for the generations who followed the patterns of promise in the destiny of all those created in your female image, and for their children who helped nurture their siblings, their households, the communities and the churches in every age.

We thank you for the mothers of John and Jesus who suffered the loss of their sons in the way of the Lord. They shared their joys and their triumphs, their sorrows and their loss with the world. We thank you for your passion for this world in the way of the mothers and fathers of generations who suffered, sacrificed, bled and died because of their love and hope in the future.

We thank you God for our own mothers.

Happy Mothers Day - I can't think of anything that I would rather be than a Mother, it is the best thing in the world!

Updates

We met with Destinee's parents and grandparents last Tuesday. It was an interesting experience... I walked up at the same time as they did and we were all eye-balling each other, I held Destinee up and said " I think this belongs to you", thank goodness they smiled and introduced themselves. They then had an hour visit with Destinee and after that the social worker, Matt and I, Destinee and her parents and grandparents had a team meeting. We went over what they would have to do to get her back and the grandparents got to put their two cents in. It was weird because you could tell that the Dad's parents did not think they should get Destinee back, it made for a very awkward situation since he was obviously very angry at them. Destinee's Mom has been accepted to the House of Hope, an in-patient drug treatment program and has apparently been doing as much as possible to get the ball rolling for her treatment plan. The Dad not so much, he seems to be dragging his feet and constantly complains what this is costing him financially.
So far my feeling is that Destinee's Mom might do what it takes to get her back so I am not getting my hopes up on her being a part of our family permanently. The best place for her is with her Mother if that becomes a healthy situation. I am trying to leave it up to God and not judge.

We had the girls pictures taken this week, I will post them as soon as I can.

Jocelyn's new thing is when Destinee is crying she runs to her yelling "I'm coming sweetheart". Too cute!

On another note - Happy Birthday to my fabulous husband. I don't know what I would do without him, he makes every day brighter for me. I love you Matt!

Baby D

Meet Destinee :)
The nurses at the hospital have been calling her Desi, and we may continue that unless we find a more suitable nickname!
Jocelyn is so happy to be the "big sister" . She is so soft and gentle with her. Every time she cries Jocelyn runs and gets her a binky. Jocelyn also gave her a lovey that she doesn't use.
Desi was born with heroin fetal addiction and has spent the last three weeks being weaned off that with Morphine. The only apparent setback that she has suffered so far is a terrible diaper rash, the doctors said it was the worst they had ever seen. She is a tough little girl and has already been through so much! I was expecting her to be really fussy since she just ended her Morphine yesterday but she was just like a normal happy baby.
We meet with DCFS and the biological parents on Tuesday, not sure what that will involve. We are already attached to her so it will be heartbreaking if we ever have to give her back, unfortunately I think the ones most effected by that would be Jocelyn and Desi.
More later!